The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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