I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
