Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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