I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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