Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
