When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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