he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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