Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
