i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
