a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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