pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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