This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
