thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize