a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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