Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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