doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
