just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
