I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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