I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
