Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
