bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
