hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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