drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
