Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
