saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
