Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
