She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
