Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
