i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
