So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize