Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize