you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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