he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
