I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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