the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
