Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
