he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
