I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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