Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She even gives head with a lisp.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
