Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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