just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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