it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
