My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
