You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
