Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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