dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
