To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
