this beer tastes like vomit already
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
