I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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