I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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