I'm drive I can fine osifer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
