So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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