guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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