two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
