She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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