This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
