I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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