when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
