the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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