it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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