Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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