Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
