there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
