When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Randomize
