Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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