Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
