I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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