he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
