so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
