so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
