Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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