Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
