yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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