Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
