The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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