I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize