i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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