Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
